My Lack, His Grace

Galatians 2:20

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

I hope I am not alone in saying that it is hard to live as an imitator of Christ. It can get exhausting to constantly crucify your own flesh. It gets to the point of just straight up missing the place that you are meant to call home, perfection with Jesus. Though we have His Spirit inside us, we live in a sinful world and it’s a war.

One specific week I had been feeling defeat. All I could do in that time was take myself outside and pray. I tried to focus on the goodness of God and His character but could not shake the sorrow of failed attempts to imitate Christ. As I kept walking and praying, I began to write this poem of sorrow in my head. After I wrote it out, I realized a lot of truth and felt that God had heard me and that, as the comfort of all comforts, He was giving my heart peace. He overwhelmed me with the undeserved grace He has. It was like a flood of JOY!

God listens.

I pray for you who can relate to this poem now, that your heart would be opened to God’s peace and rest and amazing grace. What a great God we have, that even as we deserve crucifixion, yet did not suffer, and have a temple for Christ in our hearts, yet fail to live by faith in the one who sacrificed for us, that He would see our lack, yet overwhelm us with His grace. Though we should never sin more so grace can abound, I pray that you remember Christ forgives all AND that when you walk with Christ through this life, there is no sin or sorrow you cannot overcome in His power.

why am i trying to run when You’re walking?

“get ahead” when Your plan is right where i am.

is it because the sounds of the world propel me forward

and i focus on them, acting as one of those damned?

each moment i live in training

and i am constantly failing

my purpose, simply to give you glory

i go to bed straining

my day was distant, distracted from truth

i am shamed at my failures in you holy presence

i lie awake, asking how i can incorporate you in all i do

Lord i miss you.

i am in this world but surely not of it.

i strive to be a walking light

and i know this takes time

give me patience and mercy to stay in the fight.

Lord do not let me “get ahead”

may i gently walk in each moment

with you, my pacer, at my side

gaze fixed on you instead.